i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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