he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
