i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
