What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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