mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
