he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize