Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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