So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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