youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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