An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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