the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
