i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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