Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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