Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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