So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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