how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
