is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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