why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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