cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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