Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life is pants optional.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
