sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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