i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
