those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
