I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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