Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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