i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
