it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
