What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
