My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
