is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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