if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
