Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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