Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
