its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
