You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
