Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize