I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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