Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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