Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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