There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the liver wants what the liver wants
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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