My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
