i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sisters under your porch take her home
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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