my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize