Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
