Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
