I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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