I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
