why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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