Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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