I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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