forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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