we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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