I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
