I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
