your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she was so not down for the gang bang
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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