i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
