my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
