I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
