in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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