my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
