I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
