Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
