Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
