Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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