in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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