no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
