I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
