until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
