he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize