I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
